i'm home

these past two years ain't easy for all of us, i guess. those feelings of being sad, lonely, suffering, bored, overthinking, and whatever that makes you feel bad. it's hard for me personally to let them go because of some reasons that even sometimes doesn't make sense. no matter how hard we try to be okay, but things just be messed up.
quarantine, that word is so annoying to me. being all alone in your room, nobody to talk to, no crowds to look at, just silence. i don't know how to escape, these warm walls now become a prison as if we're punished for our past sins and mistakes. 
i used to love being at home, but now i hate being cooped up at home. it just kills me inside. but then i start talking to myself. "are you okay?" "can you deal with this?" "can you please stay here for a little longer?". i am trying to be in peace with my mind, my body, myself. in this hard situation, i am my own friend.
all the voices in my head become the real voice that comes out from my mouth. we're communicating, just two of us, me and myself. i break that loneliness bit by bit. tears and laughter fill this silence space. we become friends.
i went through the ups and downs, being happy and depressed, being amazing and lazy, being full and hungry, being an angel and an evil. sometimes my personality confused me. but this is me.
now i am home, then it's okay to not belong to somewhere else. wherever i am, my home is within me. whatever i feel, my feelings are valid as long as it doesn't hurt people around me. and whenever bad things hit me, i'll be back home, i'll recover, and i'll be okay.